Wojo's Pigskin Picks: Never too early to overreact!
It will go down in college football lore as the Super Special Sensational Saturday Spectacular. If you missed all the S-Bombs last weekend, well, you pretty much missed the biggest thrills of the entire season, and you should be punished by spending your fall Saturdays watching 8-year-olds play soccer poorly.
You can start right now because after the opening burst, college football fans get a quiet period to rest their lungs and livers. Michigan hosts Central Florida, Michigan State will use its bye to practice committing less-obvious personal fouls, and the only marquee matchup will be held in the middle of a racetrack.
We’ll get to that in a moment, after we recap an opening weekend that has spawned an incredible volume of hyperbole and overreaction. A record seven Top 25 teams lost, which was very cool because it included USC getting disemboweled by 46 points and Notre Dame falling in wonderfully crushing fashion. Nothing was more hilarious than the Southeastern Conference’s 6-6 nonconference record, and the stunning demise of the once-proud Southern stronghold can mean only one thing — LSU, Auburn and Mississippi satellite camps in Green Bay next summer!
OK, that’s the type of irresponsible overreaction I’m trying to avoid. Let’s be fair here. Tennessee didn’t quite duplicate the Michigan Calamity, rallying furiously to beat Appalachian State in overtime. And hey, Mississippi did build a 22-point lead against Florida State before curling up, and Mississippi State did build a 17-point lead before succumbing to South Alabama, and Kentucky did build a 25-point lead before capitulating to Southern Mississippi. That’s a staggering 64 points of blown leads, if they’re still doing the math thing in the SEC.
Now, it’s way too early to play “my-dad’s-conference-can-beat-up-your-dad’s-conference,” especially when your dad still has Alabama in his conference. But it is amusing to see what happens when an SEC squad accidentally wanders north of the Mason-Dixon Crooked Line. LSU went to Green Bay, loaded up on cheese curds, then lost to Wisconsin, 16-14. It’s only one game, and all it means is Les Miles went from possible national champion to possible Piggly Wiggly store manager.
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I repeat, this isn’t fair, but I have no plans to stop now. The Big Ten was 12-2 in its openers, including Michigan’s domination of Hawaii. The Rainbow Warriors traveled 4,442 miles to Ann Arbor, and then the Wolverines traveled approximately half that distance up and down the field in a 63-3 victory. It was impossible to draw many conclusions from the outcome, except that Jim Harbaugh has put together the deepest, fastest, most talented Michigan team since 1948, when legendary Detroit News writer Angelique Chengelis was just entering her third year on the beat.
How powerful does the Big Ten look? It might be premature, but right now my four-team playoff would be Michigan, Ohio State, Wisconsin and Houston.
Ohio State brought in 22 new starters (or thereabouts) and merely set a school record with 776 yards in a hard-fought 77-10 victory over Bowling Green. You know you’ve got an improved conference when Maryland, Purdue and Illinois all score 45-plus points, and Rutgers only loses by 35.
Near as I can tell, there were two downsides for the Big Ten. Northwestern lost to Western Michigan, 22-21, shocking because you assume the egg-headed Wildcats would’ve figured out a way to counter the complex Broncos game plan of “Row the Boat.” Perhaps Northwestern spent too much time calculating angles of oars slicing through water.
The other downer was Michigan State’s 28-13 victory over Furman, an effort so mundane, Mark D’— ordered his players to write 1,500-word essays on how to respect a Paladin, and how they plan to make amends against Notre Dame in two weeks.
Detroit News college football picks: Week 2
Speaking of Notre Dame, Brian Kelly opted to play two quarterbacks (a good one and a not so good one) for no apparent reason, allowing Texas to prevail 50-47 in two overtimes. Continuing the theme of overreaction, my imaginary sources confirmed Notre Dame officials secretly met with Texas coach Charlie Strong after the game to talk about replacing Kelly.
So what does all this ridiculous hyperbole mean? Nothing of course!
Just go back to Week 2 of the 2014 season, when every alleged Big Ten contender lost on the same day — Michigan State to Oregon, Michigan to Notre Dame, Ohio State to Virginia Tech. The conference was duly mocked, right up until four months later, when Ohio State beat Alabama and Oregon to win the national championship.
The lesson is, when wild things happen in college football, be careful about dropping S-Bombs. Your team, or your conference, could be next.
The picks
Tennessee (1-0) vs. Virginia Tech (1-0) at Bristol Motor Speedway: Somewhere, innovative Michigan State athletic director Mark Hollis is seething with jealousy, and looking for a lightly used aircraft carrier. These teams will meet in the middle of a racetrack, and it should be fascinating to watch shirtless NASCAR fans and face-painted football fans argue over bourbon and beer. They’re expecting a crowd of about 150,000, many of whom will be furious when told they can’t park their motor homes on the sideline. Tennessee 31-14
Central Florida (1-0) at Michigan (1-0): The Wolverines remain undefeated in the Jumpman Era, but now comes a major test. How can they ensure the Big House will host the largest college football crowd Saturday? It has taken some scrambling, but Michigan officials are hurriedly erecting aluminum bleachers behind the end zones, providing zero sightlines but room for approximately 40,000 fans. Michigan 47-10
Penn State (1-0) at Pittsburgh (1-0): This should be one of the great rivalries in all of Pennsylvania, right up there with drunk Philly fan versus drunker Philly fan. It’s time they renewed the matchup, and Pittsburgh coach Pat Narduzzi is taking it seriously. The former Michigan State defensive coordinator refused to let his players speak with the media, thus preventing them from talking about how much they hate Michigan. Pittsburgh 27-14
Akron (1-0) at Wisconsin (1-0): You can’t overlook anyone anymore, which is a darn shame. It’s especially a shame for Wisconsin, which finished celebrating its upset of LSU about 15 minutes ago. Wisconsin 27-20
Iowa State (0-1) at Iowa (1-0): The Hawkeyes perfectly reflect the shifting whims of college football. A couple of years ago, they were ready to boot Kirk Ferentz. This week, after a resounding victory over Miami (not Florida), they gave him an extension through 2025. Who knows, next year they might claim they “lost the paperwork.” Iowa 41-18
bob.wojnowski@detroitnews.com
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